50 Thoughts from the Weekend of Ballerina

I just spent the last three days living a tiny fragment of the ballerina dream.
I kept a note of the thoughts that went through my head over the three days, from sheer terror to actual real enjoyment.

Dress Rehearsal
1.Why am I doing this again.
2. I can’t remember any of the steps.
3.What if they find it boring?
4.What if nobody enjoys it.
5. I’m so nervous.
6. What if I fall.
7.What if the stage is really slippery.
8.That dreaded pirouette.
9. Have I got enough time to change back to a swan for the curtain call?
10. This stage floor is rock hard on your pointe shoes.
11. It’s a long time between calls.
12. I managed that pirouette.
13. The more we wait around the more my feet hurt.
14. And there’s a double show day on Saturday.

Opening Night

15. People are dropping like flies. What’s the point in dancing when your support doesn’t turn up.
16. Lashes on, make up done, and now I’ve got something in my eye!!
17. In the wings, I have no idea what my steps are.
18. Calm down, chill out.
19. I don’t want shakey hands.
20. Oh my, it’s our turn. I can’t remember anything.
21. I’m not as nervous as last year.
22. I almost forgot the changements in swans.
23. We just did Swans!!

24.I’m too far back, Echappé forward.
25. What if I’m too far back and crash in to the curtain.
26. Yes I did the pirouette..
27. Who is that person running towards me? Stage crew? Is something wrong? Oh it’s him!
(The young boy who is in this piece).
28. I didn’t fall over!
29. Curtain call, I can’t even courtesy properly

Saturday Matinée

30. I can’t remember the steps.
31. I’m running out of stage.
32. Almost forgot those steps and went on to the next.
33. I’m not nervous. I’m enjoying this, wow look at my beautiful swan arms and woah, almost forgot
to do my turn I was so distracted by my swan arms.
34. You can’t have a cheesy smile and remember your steps at the same time.
35. It’s too early on a Saturday to have this much make up on.
36. I feel drag queen wearing this much make up to get a coffee between performances.

Final Performance

37. My feet don’t hurt?
38. I’m tired, could go to sleep right now.
39. I don’t feel like I have enough make up on. My eyes will look bald tomorrow!
40. Not at all excited.
41. Last performance, quite sad.
43. I can’t remember the steps. AGAIN. Why does this keep happening?
44. This feels amazing! Dancing without being nervous and actually enjoying it.
45. I heart bourées with pretty port de bras.
46. Something isn’t right, somebody is missing. Why am I so far forward? WHERE IS LAURA?! WHY IS SHE

(Laura confessed afterwards she thought should she should even overtake me back to her place!)

47. It’s gone so quick.
48. I can’t wait to wash this make up off and take the false eyelashes off.
49.What am I going to do tomorrow?
50. I want to dance everyday.


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